Listerine

I lie face down in my sofa.


I am listening to Radio 4.


I am thirsty.


I get up and quaff Listerine.


I smoke a cigarette.


I smoke a menthol cigarette because I want my mouth to stay minty fresh and I don't want to have to drink more Listerine after the cigarette because I drank all the Listerine and I don't want to go to the shop to buy more Listerine.

Lock Him Up and Throw Away the Key

I'm running out of clothes because I am lazy and cannot be bothered washing my clothes. I am now wearing the clothes I do not like wearing. The boxers I am wearing are uncomfortable. My dick is a prisoner in the tight cotton.

Breakdown of Frank Black's Oeuvre

70% self loathing, 15% misanthropy, 10% misogyny, 5% satire.

Starchy Elbows

It's too arduous to even bother going to see the doctor about 'feeling down' for however fucking long it's been, instead you just stumble through your daily fucking routine choking down cigarettes like there's no tomorrow, mainly because you hope that there won't be a tomorrow and you stare at your reflection for what seems like an eternity, you're getting older and your brow is furrowed, you see the wrinkles already forming you don't know if your clothes are clean anymore and you certainly don't notice the smell of nicotine on anything anymore.

You are awash in the slight yellow tint of tobacco.

If you make it out the house you get something that could be loosely referred to as food, in an attempt to assimilate some nutrients in your system, just to keep chugging along, on your way back you get distracted and go to the off-license and end up taking a cheap bottle of wine home.

There are no painkillers left so you try to overdose on homeopathy instead.

This Has Been In My Draft Folder For Months and I Only Just Looked At It Again, I Think I That I Was Pretty Drunk When I Wrote It

You are a vacuum. You are not even a vacuum, you are a Dyson. You are bagless. You have no bag. You wish you had a bag.
You don't know if you want to kill yourself anymore. You want your kidneys to fail, your liver to crumble and your lungs to wither.